By way of apology
for the being
and also to prove
its tally
I hold out my wrist
make conversation
tout the features
of the black-faced
watched accounting
of accomplishments
if not meaning

It measures everything

see

even the rate at which my heart beats

I am startled at how
carelessly
she hurts
bladed words swung wide
find me having stepped
again
too close
intimacy’s
vulnerability
on offer

see

with extended hand
my heart beats

eyes harden
lip curls
she
flings scythed disdain

Who could be bothered to care about such a thing?

I
retreat into silence
swallow words
against the swell of pain

how valuable the truth
that I have spent a lifetime
vigilant
not trusting
mine
or hers
to continue

my heart beats
in this moment
I count
silence
leaving me

unsure whether to be proud or ashamed

and of whom

.